Spending quality time with mom. Trying to remind myself what Christmas is all about. #family #love #happiness (Taken with instagram)

I have the greatest family and friends. #graduation #cards #family #love #happy #college (Taken with instagram)

- get a job

- volunteer at an animal shelter and/or senior citizen home

- go out in asbury with my boyfriend on a cute date and finally buy all the lovely things that i wanted to buy months ago

- go to this thrift store that i’ve heard really good things about

- get another tattoo

- get a puppy and save the two kitties outside

- get a job

- buy new professional clothes

- go into the city to visit my lovely best friend beth who i haven’t seen nearly as much as i should because i chose to go to college down south surrounded by pineys

- finish the hunger games series and also somehow make them last forever

- lose weight

- get a job

- visit my brother in maryland

- start planning my second trip to cancun

- send my mom on a weekend getaway

- make my mom happy and help her as much as possible

- get a job

My grandpa’s homemade chicken noodle soup.

We have it at the start of every meal for every holiday. It actually doesn’t even have chicken in it. For some reason, Hungarians use chicken to make the broth, but take it out and eat it after they eat the soup as another course with horseradish. I’m not really into that. But this soup is perfect. It so simple, just noodles and carrots and broth but I swear nothing is better. Sometimes papa makes it for me when I’m really sick too. For the rest of my life, I’ll remember this soup and how it made the rough, usually somewhat unpleasant holidays with my dysfunctional family a little warmer and happier.

Not my actual home. But my heart’s home. Zach’s home. I’ve never witnessed destruction and devastation from a natural disaster like this first hand. I’ve never seen a room that I spent many days and nights in torn to shreds until now.  It’s gut wrenching to say the least.

But of course, when things like this happen, we see the good in people. We see people bend over backwards to help a neighbor. And, like it should, that gives me hope.  Because whether it’s delivering a meal, lending a hand, or providing a nice hot shower, every little bit helps. Every bit makes the load a little lighter. And it wasn’t one person at Zach’s house helping out, it was dozens of people. Family, friends, neighbors, neighbor’s family, and even strangers.

I originally wanted to write about how hard it’s been for Zach and his family. And don’t get me wrong, it has been so very hard. Most people would’ve crumbled where Donna (Zach’s mom) stood tall and kept going. That woman was a warrior in another life, I swear. She’s wise and thoughtful and clever and loving too, but she’s so so strong.

But now, I want to be the one who’s thinking positive and not dwelling on the past. I want to be strong like Zach’s mom and look to the future rather than get overwhelmed and sad. They’ve come so far already, and before they know it, they’ll be back in their home where they belong.

If it didn’t all happen smack dab in the middle of me finishing my internship, packing, moving down to school, and getting ready for classes, I would’ve done more. I really wish I could’ve done more.

I just hope whatever I did, made something a littler easier for them.  The whole family deserves greatness and I really pray nothing even close to this happens to them ever again. I hope they get help from the government, and I hope the rest of the homes in their neighborhood get help too.  There were far too many homes destroyed for this to go overlooked.

Most importantly, I hope they know how much I love them. I hope they know I’m so thankful that they themselves were safe and weren’t harmed in Hurricane Irene. They mean the world to me, all three of them. They all have taught me something different since I’ve met them.

Josh (Zach’s brother) reminds me every day that “judging a book by it’s cover” is never fair. He’s also brilliant, and has the greatest laugh I’ve ever heard. Donna has made me believe that anything is possible. She’s been through so much and she still makes life seem so easy, and always manages to stay positive. She’s truly inspiring.

And Zach, well Zach has taught me so many things, but he’s taught me the most important thing of all. Zach has taught me that soul mates exist. That true true love can be found, even when you’re young. And that there’s no greater feeling than being freezing and held by him, under one million blankets, in the middle of winter, because he couldn’t afford to turn the heat up.

If you ask the people that really know me, they’ll tell you I’m not the most accepting person when it comes to certain things. When it’s people, I love everyone right off the bat, no matter who you are, where you come from, what your beliefs are, or anything like that. I really try my hardest to not be judgmental and keep an open mind. But, when it comes to sad things, it’s very hard for me to accept the harm or pain in any situation. 

For example, when I hear a news story about a young girl being abducted, or about the horrific tornadoes that have been sweeping this country, or that TSA worker made a 95 year old woman with cancer in a wheelchair take off her diaper during their search, I honestly go a little insane (this is why Zach tells me not to watch the news). I spend hours obsessing over these things, I lose sleep or become cranky and basically intolerable. I can’t wrap my head around why these things happen. Most of the time I think about what I’d do if I was there in or witnessing the situation, and what I could/would do to help. It’s a bad habit, some might say. But I like to think that one day, I’ll be in a situation where I can make a difference and really help someone, and all my obsessing from that past will help me make the best decision possible. That’s how I attempt to accept things like that. I tell myself that the people around me and I will learn from the bad things in order to make a difference in the future.

Then, there are times when I can’t accept things that I most certainly cannot change, like death. One of the most frustrating things I find is not the fact that people I love die, because I definitely have accepted that it will happen to everyone, it is indeed, a part of life. However, I can’t accept that the people that have already left this earth, won’t get to meet me or all the important people in my future. 

My grandmother passed away before I was born. From what I’ve been told, she was an amazing hungarian lady with a heart of gold. She was constantly smiling, cooking, baking, and hugging and kissing her loved ones. I like to think I’m a lot like her. But when it comes down to it, I constantly obsess over what she could’ve helped me to become, or what kind of woman she would’ve molded me into. 

Then, there’s my father. I could go on for days about how different things would’ve been with him here, but to be completely honest, it hurts too much to dwell on. Although it’s not right, I’ve attempted to become numb to the fact that he wasn’t there to raise me. I was 11 when he passed away, so it’s not like I haven’t met him. But when I think of him not meeting someone like Zach, someone that matters to me just as much as my own family, my heart breaks. I imagine what my dad would think sometimes. I like to pretend that I knew him that well. I know for a fact he would’ve hated Zach in the beginning. With all his tattoos and piercings, I’m pretty sure it would’ve taken one hell of a speech just to be able to go on a date with him. But, I also like to think that after seeing how Zach treats me, and how happy he makes me, my dad, just like the rest of my family, would grow to adore him just as much as I do. The thing that gets me the most is that he won’t be here to give me away to the love of my life when that day comes. If that hurts this much now, I can’t imagine how I’m going to hold it together on my wedding day.

Next up is Scott. I’ve written about him before. Scott was Zach’s best friend. I hear endless stories about him, and I love every single one. My love for this guy is something like I’ve never felt. People might say “how can you love someone you never met?”, I promise you, you can. I love him because he helped Zachary become the sensitive, thoughtful, caring man he is. I’m forever grateful for that. Without a doubt in my mind, Scott would’ve changed me as a person, had I ever met him. I’m actually convinced that he has anyway. I look at life a little differently after hearing his story and I’m absolutely certain I will meet him someday.

Lastly, there is Chris. Chris was my dad’s cousin, but to me, he was “Uncle Chrissy”. He passed away 10 years ago today. A decade. A whole decade ago. I wouldn’t be half as obsessed with the Wizard of Oz as I am, if it wasn’t for Chris. He had this light about him, this constant electricity that everyone could feel when they were near him.  He made everyone feel more alive. Recently, I’ve learned that Zach has a similar effect on me. Zach’s got that same jolly way about him as Chris did. That almost-overwhelming-yet-contagious-excitement. It got me thinking about how much Uncle Chris and Zach would’ve gotten along. Comic books and superheroes and art and collectibles and music. Their interests are so similar, it’s unbelievable.

In my heart I know that if these people ever met, something magically would happen. But, I shall try not to dwell on the impossible. Instead, I will tell myself that in an alternate universe somewhere, all of these things are happening. I’m baking Kiffles with my grandmother in a kitchen that looks identical to Papa’s while learning hungarian. My dad, Uncle Chris and Zach are going to a comic book convention. Scott and are picking out the perfect gift for me to give Zach for our two year anniversary. Because as impossible as these things are, deep down inside, I cannot accept that they will never be able to happen.