I might not have gotten a chance to write down everything I’m thankful for, but I must say one thing: the most important someone of this year is right next to me and I couldn’t be more thankful for him.

Sitting at the kitchen table, eating a twix, while my brother attempts to play beatles songs on his guitar. This is starting to feel like home again. Now, I just need to get on good terms with my mother. Thanksgiving’s tomorrow! Hopefully today will be full of cooking/baking with Ging and seeing good friends who i’ve missed dearly.

I’m really sad that my thanksgiving break is cut terribly short thanks to Banana Republic, but I’m going to make the best of it. And I’ll be home for winter break in like 2 two weeks! So I guess things could be worse.

You’d think since Banana’s been playing Christmas since the beginning of November, i’d feel the christmas cheer. But I really don’t. I hope tomorrow changes that, I usually have butterflies most of November and all of December. As much as I hate the cold, Christmas/Thanksgiving has a way of making me feel very happy and grateful for the people I have in my life.

I miss my dad. I hope he knows that.

Once I calm down and figure out exactly how I feel about things, I’ll be sure to write about it. I just can’t wrap my head around this yet. Disappointed is an understatement.

I need to start reading again. I honestly miss getting lost in a book and just experiencing a whole different world of emotions. I haven’t been reading at all lately.

Maybe it’s because I’m so happy with the emotions I’m feeling every day in reality, so I don’t turn to fiction as much. But I miss the bad feelings, as weird as that sounds. I don’t want anything bad to happen, obviously. I just miss having other emotions. I can honestly say I’m the happiest I’ve been in years and that’s incredible but I just… I miss the drama? As lame as that sounds.

I guess I was so used to heartache that I feel like a part of me is missing now that it’s gone. Very strange. I’m not even sure if this makes sense, I’m just rambling.

Whatever, home this weekend. <3 All that matters.

id rather have this than a child.

Retail therapy purchase number three

Retail therapy purchase number two

Retail therapy purchase number one

I don’t know who I’m trying to kid. I honestly hate you with all my heart. And I am truly convinced now more than ever that you didn’t deserve me for a single friggen second. I think the only reason I still acknowledge your existence is because… I feel like I have to. Or else those three years become the waste of time I don’t want to admit they really were.

All I can say is that I’ve learned from it. I’ve learned never to make someone your main priority when you’re simply just their option. And that’s the truth. That’s all I was. And that’s fine now, because I have someone who allows me to feel things I’ve never felt before. I’ve been taught how to love and trust again, and it’s wonderful, it really is. I’m thankful for what I have, I tell myself how lucky I am every single day. I’m so thankful I found someone that was willing to help me overcome the doubt you caused me to have towards everyone and everything. But I cannot wait for the day when I have the courage to tell you how pathetic and idiotic you are. You knowingly almost ruined the caring, loving and compassionate person I really am, and for that, I will never forgive you.

Not only was I woken up at 5am because of ridiculous things that happen in my surroundings, but I fell back asleep about an hour later only to have this dream…

I lived somewhere in the woods, in an old house. Same roommates. For some god unknown reason, there was a frat house next door. All the kids in the frat had trashy tattoos and shitty piercings and looked like scum. It was early early morning, still dark out, and I was coming home from somewhere. As I walked up the pathway to my house, I saw a shirtless, dirty guy from the frat house following me, carrying a jar. Eventually he got close enough behind me so I couldn’t help but turn around and direction my attention towards him. I then realized that there were two knives in the jar he was carrying. One was a switchblade sort of thing, and one was a butter knife. Instantly I grabbed the switchblade thinking that he could do little damage with a butter knife. Wrong. I stood there, frozen for some reason, as a guy jabbed the butter knife into my side repeatedly. Eventually he ran away and I collapsed in the dirt, only to be found by Meghan and Ashley. They didn’t seem to care that I was wounded and bleeding out from my side but they were wondering why I was laying down in the dirt. Strange. They wouldn’t call 911. So then I decided to go into the frat house. I found some woman that was apparently living there to keep an eye on the guys, and she didn’t seem phased by my wounds either. I was most definitely covered in blood. I told her what happened and she told me that that was simply “jar kid’s” behavior and that he had left for philly for the night and there was nothing she could do. It was then that I gave up. I called Zach and asked him to come down and protect me while I tried to sleep for 2 hours before I had to go to Banana Republic. He said he was on his way. I fell into bed, bleeding, waiting for him to arrive…

And then I woke up.

Awesome dream. Except not. Two nightmares, two nights in a row. Not my idea of a good time.

Besides that, I had two midterms today. They kinda sucked but I currently have all A’s so my grade shouldn’t drop to anything lower than a C, no matter how poorly I did. One more day of classes, I can do this. Right?

let me have nightmares again.

The dream I had this morning about a kid getting his face ran over repeatedly by guys with like dagger rollerblades really disturbed me.  I’m thankful I had someone to run to as soon as I awoke, but the fact that I had the dream at all makes me uneasy. That shouldn’t happen when I’m laying next to him.

Get me out of this weird mood.

Best dessert evar. Mmmmmmm pumpkin ice cream. :)